Mood Swings (For Exercise)

What baby does to Mom's organs

Although I'm an emotional being and more emotional than some, shall we say, dense or robot-like humans, I would say that I'm pretty even keel.  I laugh, I cry, I get agitated and I do like a planned approach.  However, I'm not what most people would call "moody."

When this pregnancy began, I was coming off of what was a really low point emotionally, but was finishing grad school, getting back to eating healthy and exercising--so a little raw, but things were looking up.  Enter ISOBEL.

Minus my normalish exhaustion and nausea, we were both pretty anxious about this, our 5th try. I remember some mood swings then, but I think I rolled them up together with the whole "this is nerve-wracking" set of stress responses.  After the 12 and then 20 week appointments, Josh and I have settled into the idea that Isobel is coming and we've been able to gradually get excited about it.  Over all, up until a couple weeks ago, I was having some physical discomfort (the dreaded PPP, hip soreness, etc), but maintaining a pretty sane demeanor.



Skip to now. Well, today even I think I might be crazy...no more excuses. There are whole days or segments of days when I am really not in control of my thoughts or emotions.  I just want to cry, but I can't. I want to sleep, but I just lay there. I feel SO frustrated and tense...but yoga and walking don't help. Arguing doesn't help (but does add guilt to the recipe). And then...after it confounds Josh and perhaps my coworkers...in an unannounced, understated act of God, it subsides and I feel like normal me again. Until next time.

Now, I understand the spectrum of emotional issues I could be experiencing. I know there's depression and that, if only I exercised more and ate only healthy foods, I wouldn't be here now.  I have 10+ more weeks of this and a few more of whatever happens next with my hormones. I know it'll be alright.

But here's something:
Isobel, you're worth it and I'm worth it.  I'm not ashamed of how I'm feeling because it isn't my fault and it sure isn't yours.  It's mine to manage these "rushes" as best I can and trust God to fill in the gaps and do damage control.  And daddy is doing great taking care of both a we. Now get your little piggies out of my ribs!