Worst Mom Ever: Return of Mommy to the Blog

Turns out being your mom is two full-time jobs on REpeat, girl.
That, or maybe I'm just not the quickest study in this area...
These are my excuses for not keeping up at this online documentation of your early months. That is all. :)

You're 4 months old now and I'm pretty much the only one who's still counting the weeks (and sometimes days). We go for your 4-month doctor appointment next Friday and I'm irritated they scheduled it for when you're actually, technically going to be 17 weeks old - the nerve!

Gosh, so much to catch you up on...We flew home to Nashville last week to meet lots of friends and family. We flew with you for the first time and set a record on that Saturday (8.10.13) for most # of people to kiss a baby in one afternoon ~ I think it was close to 50, kiddo. I'm amazed you aren't sick right now, but I threatened people about washing their hands before holding you. :)  Your Meemaw asked people to bring their favorite books as gifts and I'm still going through them all! I think we got some good ones.  You were a champ at traveling and being the object of affection. You slept okay in the new surroundings and were such a good sport with all the new people...quite the crowd pleaser. I dare say, we haven't come across anyone interested in engaging you that you are happy to oblige.  And you're not a big diva or a ham. You're just cool, calm and pleasant...throwing the occasional adorable smile and chuckle out 'for the fans.'  I couldn't be more impressed (and grateful).

I need to be better about logging all the details that I'm sure you'll quiz me about when you're older. I know I asked my mom for any little morsel about "my past," and was excited to know my habits, my unique traits...And for the first couple of months, I thought that you are pretty regular and easy-going.  The last couple months have allowed us to start seeing your personality and your unique characteristics though, and I want to be able to tell you!  Just watch - If I do end up writing it all down, you'll be like your dad and never really care to ask that kind of stuff! :)  Either way, I want to remember.

Since I'm new at this, it's hard to tell what is just typical infant behavior and what's distinct. I reserve the right to revise this later, if needed:

• YOUR LAUGH: When I read to look out for laughter around 2-3 months, I thought it would be this nonstop, overwhelming, bubbled up, goofy-sounding laugh...It's not like that at all. For one, you smile A LOT, but you don't laugh all that often. Your dad and I joke that you're a "tough crowd," and that maybe you take after me in this way.  When you DO laugh, it's more of a low chuckle.  It makes ME laugh...which in turn keeps you laughing a little more (and so on).  Of course, I can't seem to make you laugh. It just kind of happens whenever you hear something you like. I then try and repeat whatever it was that caused the chuckle because I'd do just about ANYthing to hear it more and more. :)  I'll have to take a video one of these days, but you started knowing about cameras and video early on and will start only focusing on the camera when it's on...grr.
  
• SLEEP:  You and I are currently negotiating sleep, in that it's not perfect, I need more/better sleep and so, I'm trying a couple of different tactics to help you "self-soothe."  However, I did read that the amount you sleep and how early/late you like to sleep is indicative of how it'll stay throughout your life, which is cool! So far, you are pretty middle of the road...not really a night owl, but not a super early rise either...which is just perfect for me. You're typically asleep for good around 10 and up around 8am. If I make you real comfy, we can occasionally sleep in until 9:30 or 10am, but I try not to do this unless we (or at least I!) really need it.  So there you have it--you like your sleep, but not too much. You ARE bright eyed and happy in the mornings, but I don't know that you aren't in the afternoons...I'm hoping that we can get you napping properly throughout the day soon, so that you'll be in good spirits throughout, instead of the tiredness building over the day and culminating with agonizingly long bedtime rituals at night. Anyway, pretty moderate and healthy sleep habits, I'd say!
  
• TOUCHES: You love caressing faces and putting your hand on our hands, when in reach. You will still lay your head on our shoulders when we carry you in that "trying to burp" style and are pretty passively affectionate, I'd say. I still can't get you to mock my "kisses" and "hugs," but you love to be held close, rocked and kissed/stroked on the head (like a kitten). :)
  
• CATS: So far, you don't seem to care one iota about your cat brothers, Goob and Peeta. You don't mind them and you aren't interested in them...they might as well be potted, meowing plants around the house.  I'm sure this will change in time!
  
• WATER:  Judging from your almost daily baths and occasional playing in the complex pool, we think you are a natural water baby! Again, and maybe this is a personality thing in general...you aren't overly excitable about the water, but you seem very easy and comfortable in it. You seem to enjoy both warm and cool water and, so long as your helper is confident and keeps a secure hold on you, you'd stay playing in it for a while--just enjoying it and relaxing. I've put toys in the bath with you and you'd really rather play with the water faucet itself--the flow of water coming out and the faucet knobs. Water IS pretty amazing, though.
  
• STANDING:  You LOVE LOVE LOVE to stand, kiddo. Sitting has been less natural a position for you, but we're working on it with you in the Bumbo seat. Yeah, but you've liked standing since you were probably 2 months old--most of your smiles and babbling/cooing is done in this position. Your legs are strong and you love it. Even when they get tired, you drop to this kneeling position and are pretty happy there until you get energy for STANDING again. Laying is alright, but you're in that position most of the time.  We've recently gotten you playing in these jumper activity thingies (one that hangs in the doorway and another free-standing one that's Farm-themed) and you don't really get the bouncy part, but you love the standing part! :)

Josh, am I forgetting anything?

you're literally the most adorable thing I've ever seen

http://instagram.com/p/bsG-Y8ITc2/

10 Things I've Learned While on Maternity Leave
[Thanks to Erin Puckett Breedlove for inspiring this list and letting me straight-up copy a couple of these points!]


10. Just because something is a "natural process" doesn't mean it will be easy or happen without effort. This should be applied to everything you think (during pregnancy) will just "work itself out."  It will...just not necessarily smoothly and/or without tears.

9. Breastfeeding is intense. 
It hurt for the first 6 weeks (and still sometimes does!) and requires me to be "on call" all the time, non-stop. Don't get me wrong, it's flippin amazing...but it's a lot to manage.

8. Some (read: all) projects will just have to wait. 
Maternity leave is not a "stay-cation," nor does it allow much free time for anything not absolutely necessary. Any day that I take my vitamins and get a shower is a WIN.

7. The age-old "sneak pee" on the changing table is not just for baby boys anymore.

6.  Curdled milk is what babies spit up and it will go down your pants and all in your hair.

5. Baby poop velocity is FOR REAL and not to be underestimated. If you wait, you will pay (in loads and loads of laundry).

 4. Contrary to your worst fears, 9 out of 10 adults you encounter in public won't judge or shame you. They encourage, try to help and genuinely celebrate your little love-muffin!

3.  Any errand/meeting requiring you to leave the house will take thoughtful planning and more time than you ever thought necessary. Being on-time becomes the cherry on top!

2. Childrens' books teach grown-up lessons. I have cried, laughed out loud and written lines down for future reference...in the same instance where it put my LO right to sleep!

1. This baby is the coolest, best thing I will ever do, and I'll spend the rest of my life thanking The Lord for making me a "mommy."

9 1/2 Weeks

 Oh my goodness, likl lady. So much to write for the last few weeks of adventures with you!

All the books say to expect your first smile to happen around 6 weeks and you were like clockwork.
That smile started coming out for no good reason-I can't tell you what happiness stirs in your Dad's and my stomachs the second your face makes a sideways, capital D.  And when you're awake and alert, we make all the noises and faces we can muster to try and coax that smile out as many times as possible! :) I've seen Duntie, Grandma, Meemaw and Pawpaw do the same.  Now, the truth is that you've been smiling since the day you were born...but they were 99% in your sleep and not based on anything we did to prompt it.  Around the 6 week mark, you started smiling while awake and in response to some joke about your mom and dad (haha-we figure!).  We love it. You're beautiful.

For the last month or so, we've had our second round of visitors--your grandparents can't stay away!
Your dad's parents came out for about 8 days, taking advantage of an annual Expo in Denver: The AWWA ACE13! 

Your Pawpaw got to come out "on business" with his Wilson County Utility board position and brought Meemaw out too.  While they were here, we brought you to your first festival: The Festival For Water (put on by my work--Water For People) and your aunt Vicky made us VIPs! :) Your Meemaw made us a sling to carry you in and lots of cotton swaddling blankets to use during summer.  The weather turned really hot for a few days, even reaching 100'F one time, and Pawpaw came to the rescue when he bought us and installed an A/C unit for the main part of the upstairs! We would've survived without it, but we found out quick that your skin is pretty sensitive to the heat (Your poor face, neck and chest broke out in a rash every time it got toasty!).  Now it's nice and cool indoors and we're a lot more comfortable in the afternoons and evenings!  Happy Fathers' Day to us!
They were here during Fathers' Day and we gave PawPaw a frame to hold lots of his favorite shots of you thus far...I think he liked it. We got dad a special card (from "you" and me) with the exact amount of days you've been in his life...57. Dad and PawPaw snuck away to see a movie too.

Last week, your Grandma (my mom) came into town for a visit and she was super excited because she hadn't seen you since the day after you were born.  She fell right in line without missing a beat--changing diapers, bopping on the ball to make you burp and even got lucky (?!) putting you down for the night in your bassinet one time...one of maybe 3 times thus far when we didn't have to go back in and get you. Her trip was only a few days, but I felt like it was a really blessed time of napping, holding, playing, etc.  By the morning that she left, I noticed that you recognized her voice from the other room and smiled when you did--you make my heart just melt with this kind of thing!

The weekend Grandma was here was also Aunt Sammi's birthday (Duntie), so she and her boyfriend came up that Saturday to hang around at our pool.

You and your dad continue to enjoy each other in the evenings and on weekends when you nap on his chest or make faces at each other in the hammock. He loves to take pictures of you at any chance he gets...even in the tub, getting changed or riding in your carseat.




By the way, we're getting a lot better at traveling together. By now, you and I have nursed in a restaurant bathroom stall, in our backseat, at the Water Festival (!) and we've changed your diaper in a thrift shop, at the Water Festival, at your Uncle David's house (a few times!) and other public spots...mostly without disasters ensuing. 

I've had you wrapped up in the Boba on a trip to Home Depot (but you weren't in there quite tight enough, so there was gradual slippage happening), in the sling to my office, shopping and touring the Kidoodles daycare and in the carrier around the house.  You seem a little unsure of these traveling options at first, but eventually settle in and will more or less allow them all for at least a little while. I won't say we've mastered any one style yet (other than the stroller/carseat), but we'll keep working on it.  I ordered your daddy a sling and we tried it out with you yesterday...to be continued. ::wink::

At the end of last week, we went to your 2-month doctor's appointment and got your first round of immunizations--3 shots and an oral dose (for rotavirus...ick).  You were such a champ about it too--coo'd and smiled for the Dr. Julie and only cried for a moment with your shots.  Like the doctor warned us, you were a little under the weather for the following couple of days--you slept a bunch and seemed a little sensitive to the touch in your legs. We gave you baby tylenol and tried to keep you comfortable.

What else, little Bel...I still haven't settled on what to call you.  I'm okay with the rest of the world calling you your full name ISOBEL, but I'd like to have a special nickname that only I call you. We'll see how that plays out. I know your Meemaw has always called you IZZY and your Grandma goes back and forth.  I know you don't know your name(s) yet, so it's okay to keep changing it up. I just hope you know you're someone special and that your Mom, Dad and others are taking good care of you--keeping you safe and healthy.

Next up: sleeping through the night...maybe, starting to use cloth diapers, deciding on sending you to daycare (or not!), having a new/old roommate around downstairs and other fun times.

You continue to amaze us, Isobel. We are starting to get new glimpses of your personality and it just delights us to get to know you and interact with you more and more. I hope we're exposing you to enough new sensory stuff-and keeping you occupied enough, but not too much. LOL

I really have been agonizing over whether or not to return to work in a couple of weeks. I had to ask for more time from my boss because I couldn't bear to return next Monday, like I was supposed to originally. Thanks for being awesome.

The Coolest Thing I Will Ever Do

Colorado Isobel

hi baby.
I wanted to document a new "name sighting" in a couple of songs by this dude called who recently won a songwriting contest in Nashville (2009):

King Charles song LOVE LUST
"I wrote you a song, Mississippi Isabel.
I even sent you flowers, when you felt Ill.
You've the strength of the Greeks,
You are God's masterpiece.
You're every triumph, every victory.
I believe in every breath you breathe.
And I always imagined you'd be by my side.
Whether I'm hiding in the city
Or I'm tearing through the wild.
You're only a yoke, a noose in my throat.
If your beauty is a fortress,
Then my love will be the mote."

Overjoyed

Hi Bel!
I forgot to tell you that the song playing (from Dad's Spotify playlist) the moment you were born was Overjoyed by Stevie Wonder.  quite appropriate.

And though the odds say improbable
What do they know
For in romance
All true love needs is a chance
And maybe with a chance you will find
You too like I
Overjoyed, over love, over you,
Over you

For did my dreams
Come true when I looked at you

A Lot & A Little

I wanted to be that mom who documented everything...every day a new note about your first pants (!), doctor appointment, bodily functions, "TGIF"s, etc.  I might catch up one day-because I have those memories in my head.  Sadly, you've been with us for 15 days now (as of today!) and I'm only starting to record our history now.

This last couple of weeks has gone by so fast, but it's also been rough and difficult at times.  We're all getting used to each other, growing accustomed to new schedules and less sleep and not being in the womb! You're growing and learning SO much, so fast, Isobel.  It's obvious that your eyes are learning to focus on new distances and your systems are getting better at digestion.  We're both figuring out breastfeeding too-I wish you'd open your mouth wider when we start because boy, it can hurt my noonies! But I think we're doing okay.

We've been out and about a few times, too. Dad and I have taken you for walks around our neighborhood (Harvard Gulch Park) in the stroller and we've gone for drives to/from the airport, to birthday dinner for your PawPaw at Euclid Hall, and to lunch with aunt Audrey (my boss at WFP) at the Pajama Baking Co. We went to your pediatrician during your first week home (on Wed, April 24th) and you did so well.  The nurse and doctor fell in love with you--you were down to 7lbs, 14oz at that point, but I'm hoping we've bulked you back up to that birth weight by now.  Our next peds appointment is this coming Tuesday and I have a bunch more questions for the doc now that we've had a little while to get acquainted.

95% of the time, you are the perfect, easiest baby imaginable. You eat well, sleep well, make lots of faces, go to new people with ease and are happy and calm with your dad and me.  The other 5% of the time, we do our best to figure out what's making you uncomfortable--which seems to be gas, wet diapers, hunger, over-tiredness (normal stuff) or just the need to be held and comforted.

We haven't fed you with a bottle yet, because I want you and I to get settled with nursing first.  But I pumped my first 2 oz of milk for freezing today, and I look forward to having your dad feed you sometimes (or a babysitter when needed).


We try to only let you have a pacifier when nothing else will work and the "paci" seems to calm you right down, or if you seem tired but just can't seem to go to sleep.  You like your warm "washcloth baths" and really just despise all things diapering and clothes-changing related.  Every now and then, when you've either just eaten or are sleepy, you'll stay quiet on the changing table...but normally you let us know that you'd like us to hurry it up and quit it already(!). Haha.
It's been interesting this first couple of weeks to feed you on demand.  Some days/nights, you go 4-5 hours between nursings and don't seem to mind.  At other times, you can't eat often enough-every, you seem to be hungry again! Just this morning, we had a great feeding but you burped and it all came back up...all over the bed, me and you.  It was hard not to laugh, with us all covered in milk.  You were calmer about it than I'd expected...and it was a good reason for a little bath. :) I love you so.


What else can I tell you (for the record)...Your dad comes home from work and can't wait to see you! He took a week off after we left the hospital, and he's been back to work all last week.  He swears that you grow and change, even in the 10 hours he's been away, but I'm sure he's just exaggerating. I have definitely taken a backseat as the "woman in his life" since you were born, Izze.  I can't explain it, but you can see it in his face when he looks at you. He can keep you quiet and happy longer and easier than anyone else thus far (including me!) and he's the best at changing your diaper, even though he was a little nervous at first with cleaning "little girl parts." When I watch him with you, I fall more in love with him than ever because you expose a part of him that I've never seen before.  We never really talked about it beforehand, but he is a natural at taking care of you...I wish he could be home with us everyday. He makes it look easy!

That's enough for now. It's been a wild 2 weeks since you were born--all good! Come to think of it, it's been a pretty wild 11 months with you growing in my belly, being born and growing (already?!) out of some of the smaller "NB" clothes.

I thank God for you, and I cling to the Lord's promises for protection, provision and direction as I learn how to be your mom.

"I need Thee every hour; teach me Thy will; And Thy rich promises in me fulfill."

Miracle on 4.20

Hi Isobel,
Guess what - you were finally born!

We waited for you to come on your own, but you must've been too comfortable in my belly. Our due date of April 7th came and went, and I felt like I was ready to pop as we waited for my body to go into labor naturally...and waited and waited. As it turns out, we had to make you come out with medicine, in the hospital-on Thursday, April 18th, the midwives recommended that we schedule an induction for the next morning at Swedish Medical Center, in Englewood, CO (just down the street from our house).

After 24 hours of antibiotics, Pitocin, contractions, epidural, resting and pushing, we welcomed you into the world on 11:43am, Saturday, April 20th 2013.  You weighed 8lbs, 5.2oz and were 20cm long! Your eyes were open, lungs strong and you could already move your arms, legs and head on your own (you got strong in there the last few weeks!).  When you came out, the midwife let me put you right on my chest and your dad and I looked at each other...and at you...and laughed a cried a lot because of how amazing it felt to finally see you and have you to hold in our arms.

I'll write out the whole birth story for you to read, but that's the gist of it.

After you were born, our midwife, Jennifer Whalen, helped Josh to clamp and cut the umbilical cord, deliver the placenta and clean me up.  We let the nurses clean you off and make sure you were healthy (APGAR score of 8/9!) too. They weighed, measured and wrapped you up tightly before giving you back to dad. When we were all ready, we moved from the L&D room to a nearby room in Mother&Child Recovery that looked more like a hotel room in the hospital! As we changed rooms, we got to show you to the family waiting to meet you out in the waiting room Your grandma, aunt Sammi, and your MeeMaw & PawPaw (dad's parents).  They were so excited to see you, and followed us to our room so that each one could have a turn holding you.

We rested there, welcomed lots of visitors and learned from the nurses how to take care of you for the next 2 nights.  In the hospital, we felt too scared to sleep when you were sleeping in case you might need us...so we were very tired.  We had a LOT to learn-for example, that we needed to trust God to keep you safe while we got some sleep!

On Monday, April 22nd (Earth Day and your uncle Todd's birthday), we left the hospital and brought you home.  It was cold and just beginning to snow when we put you in your carseat for the first time and drove you to our house. We felt like the luckiest people in the whole world, but also with a lot of new responsibility-to care for such a precious, amazing gift.

Last Day of Pregnancy

All through your life, people say "9 months" for pregnancy, and for me--it was exactly 10 months (40 weeks) and 13 days.

In preparation for leaving work and possibly going into labor prior to our due date of April 7th, my last day of work was Friday, April 5th. As it turned out, my first 2 weeks of paid maternity leave were spent re-cleaning our house, re-shopping for grocery staples and hanging out with my mom (your Grandma)...she couldn't "play it by ear" any more than I could, so she flew out to visit the day before your dad took his Civil Engineering PE test (which was Friday, April 12th) and stayed until the following Sunday.  We mostly stared at each other for that time...it was awkward and I'm not good at waiting. I was getting pissy and impatient!  But the time passed and we all felt READY by the time my last prenatal appointment rolled around.
Here I am on Thursday, April 18th on my way to the midwifery practice...barely fitting into my pink shoes! We were scheduled to be admitted into the hospital at 6am the following morning for induction.

CANNOT WAIT TO GET YOU OUT OF ME AND INTO THE WORLD!! XOXOXO

41 weeks young

Hi, baby girl.
Gosh, this last week has been hard. Your dad studied a lot and then took his Professional Engineer licensing test. Your  grandma, my mom, arrived for her "meet Isobel" visit last Thursday & has been keeping me company. Aunt Sammi was up over the weekend too.

April 5th was my last day of work, so it's been an adjustment to be around the house on weekdays. Also, our roommate, Evan, moved out last Monday.

This time of waiting & "in between" hasn't been easy for me. Since the day I left work, I've been ready to hold you in my arms! Your dad has been very glad that you waited until after his big test, though. :)  I guess it never occurred to me that God's perfect timing would appear late to all of us...with this scenio. But here we are. It's a huge reminder that His ways aren't ours & vice versa. I trust Him to get you out of me safe and sound. I juat want it to be soon (like now!). Carrying a baby this long is exhausting, plus your dad & I now are sick with colds.

Our consolation in all of this is that we get you, that this craziness will end and our little family will love & live together.

I'm happy to report that I've only barely avoided trying everything to naturally (help my body) start labor...won't go into it, but I have decided to just let go & let God do His work.

And i'm still afraid of what will happen. I just choose to trust & obey anyway.

See you soon my love. You're going to love it out here.

I Need Thee Every Hour

Little Bel,

Over the past few weeks, especially while you've been "full term" (anytime after 37ish weeks), I've been asking God to speak.  He made Himself heard to me so often and clearly early on in the pregnancy, which was so encouraging and strengthening for me.  That's when He told me that you were the end result of something new He was doing in me (in us), something more beautiful than anything I've known.  I've lived on His words throughout maternity, like a dog continues gnawing at a bone that has long since been licked clean--just the reminder of that smell and taste has been sustaining. 

Lately, I've felt the need for a new word from Him, so I've been asking. The day before last, I got a song in my head that I needed the rest of the words to--"I Need Thee Every Hour." 

The Lower Lights – I Need Thee Every Hour

I sung what I knew, and looked up the rest when I got home that day.  I found out the story behind the writer of those lyrics, whose name was Annie S. Hawks.  Apparently, she was young when she married, and found herself a housewife and mother of 2 at the age of 37--full of joy and peace and contentment--when the lyrics came to her.  The song got really popular, but mainly for those needing comfort in times of suffering and, for years, Annie didn't understand how something she wrote in a time of joy in her life could be used by God in this way. A few years later, her husband died--and she missed him incredibly. This song came back to her mind--especially a line that says, 

"I need Thee every hour, in joy or pain;
Come quickly and abide, or life is in vain.

And she realized what meaningful work God had done through her many years ago--the words of her own song comforted her.  She remembered how the Lord sustains us and empowers us for every good work that He calls us to.  And whether we feel joyful or we're grieving and desperate for comfort--the need for our Savior, our Healer, is every close and constant. And her writing is said to be based on the verses in John 15 that speak of our absolute need to "abide in the vine"--the intimate connection with our Lord.

John 15
New International Version (NIV)

The Vine and the Branches
15 “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. ² He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes^[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. ³ You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. ⁴ Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.

⁵ “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. ⁶ If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. ⁷ If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. ⁸ This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.
⁹ “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. ¹⁰ If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. ¹¹ I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. ¹² My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. ¹³ Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. ¹⁴ You are my friends if you do what I command. ¹⁵ I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. ¹⁶ You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. ¹⁷ This is my command: Love each other.

I've been thinking over what this means to me, personally, over the last couple of days, because often the Lord gives me a bit and then watches while I process it (like a puzzle or a game).  Well, it speaks to a very deep insecurity and building fear within me that's been surfacing as you get closer to being born--the questions over, "Will I be good enough?" "Can I do this well?"  "Will I even enjoy it?" "What will people think of me?"  (and the like)

You have to just shake your head and enjoy it when our Lord responds to something inside you that you haven't even said out loud to anyone. He's showing you, in that moment, that He is all God and very in love with you...to calm the storm brewing up. 

The answer to my questions, my fears and insecurities:  You will NEED ME EVERY HOUR, in joy and pain...and I will BE THERE.

Thank you, Ishi.
Come soon, Isobel Ruby. We're ready for you. 

Non-Maternal Thoughts

I've always wondered if God got a little distracted and mixed up a few things when he was making me.

A lot of my life, I just haven't fit in the "girl mold" that friends, siblings and seemingly the general populous reflect.  Now of course I like to look pretty. I like boys (well mainly just the one boy), and I enjoy a fancy haircut and shoes that make me tall (but don't make me cry for at least a few hours of wearing). I cry sometimes in movies...I dabble with sewing and crafts, but only very selectively.

In any case, a lot of this mommy stuff has been weird for me at first.  I've not really had much interaction with babies or kids in my life--and what I've enjoyed about the times I have spent with them have been the ones where we're one on on.  I get easily self-conscious in the presence of other adults, observing me playing with a kid.  I don't know why...I just assume they know what they're doing more so than I and they are likely to judge me.

But, over this 9 months and the 2 years-ish that we've been pregnant off and on I've warmed to the idea of super soft onesies and the smell of baby wipes.  I've prayed, "God, please make sure I'm a good mom who isn't too afraid of it to be really good at it. Please let me get over the vanity of other people watching me parent...but please let them not be too mean and judgy towards me!"  :)

I want all good things for Isobel and for my family.  I want her to not doubt for one second of her love that she is fully loved and fully special in her own right.  I want her to learn how to express herself, enjoy the world's beauty, know others deeply and understand her place in the bigger picture.  I want her to feel free to be strong and weak and I want to earn her trust.

Every once in a while, though, my mind goes to the place where Jesse Elizabeth started...I think:

Would it be so bad if I secured her to the toilet for like...a while, just for a break from diapering?

OR

What I wouldn't give for a rocking body, positives-accentuating bikini, a beautiful beach and a cold beer in my hand right now...I think I would give this baby. I'm glad that's not possible.

OR

YOU stay home while I work and then see how it sounds when I say something asinine like, "I think you're going to enjoy this time off."

I think I'm always going to have these thoughts and that it's mostly okay.  Maybe it wouldn't be normal NOT to.  I'm really glad that the Lord equips those he calls...in anything.  But it does happen slowly and not a moment too soon. Yay life.

Hi little Bel,

Weeks 36-37 have been full of surprise presents and your dad's and my amazement as my big (and growing) belly...not to mention my bloated feet/ankles/legs. Below are a couple of days apart.

At my office, I haven't been the only pregnant one--Through the last 9 months, there have been three of us, all pregnant at the same time.  We're actually all due within a week of each other--pretty neat.  So the office threw us 3 a baby shower! We had a lovely time guessing co-worker baby pictures, eating sweets and opening gifts.  This little monkey came from them-he is really soft (like you I bet!).  The book below is supposed to be my "homework" during maternity leave... ;)


 Your cat brothers have had a great time with all the shipping boxes, bags and paper from  your presents...

I still have to take a photo inventory of all your cool presents: Aunt Andrea sent a box of books and cute clothes, as well as a couple of pampering goodies for me and movie gift card $$ for us.

Aunt Alison (Nash) made a really cool blanket for you--it was in that bag in the pictures...poor bag. LOL

Aunt Corey sent some really special books and your first mixtape full of fun songs. 

I can't wait to introduce you to all of these people~wonderful people that we know.  I can't tell you how many of our friends, family and even those we don't really know well that have been praying for us and for you this year.  It's been incredible.

Aunt Sammi ("Duntie") works at a christian organization called Compassion International.  She has co-workers who have been praying for you and for your dad and me the last couple of years.  She said that a few of them have homemade gifts for you--We are very blessed.

Another of those special people is Shannon (Rease) Bryan.  We met her in Portland, Jamaica (in the Peace Corps) and your dad and she did NOT get along at first.  I thought they might kill each other, but I kind of liked Shannon all along.  She is one of the most organized, thoughtful and kind people I know.  I was immediately impressed with the confidence she felt as a woman in Jamaica, and how she used that comfortability and confidence to her advantage--to help people (especially teachers and school communities) where she lived/worked.  She spent 4 years in the USPC, and we knew her for 2 of those.  Now, she is a dear friend who lives in Atlanta, GA.  She and her husband (boyfriend when we met them!) are having a wedding party this September and I'd really like to go and celebrate with them.  You'd like Ricardo too--he's pretty quiet, but a big sweetheart.

Anyway, Shannon has a knack for making cool stuff with almost totally reused materials.  I'm always looking for jewelry/gifts to buy on her Etsy shop.  Well, she recently surprised us by sending this amazing cat to us FOR YOU: We named her "Guvnuh" after Shannon's nickname in Portland.  She has a special front pocket for your stuff and her body is made out of a pair of Shannon's jeans that I remember her wearing all the time in Jamaica.

Pretty cool if you ask me (and I am fairly discerning when it comes to this stuff).

What else...

Your dad has finished his 6 Saturday study classes in preparation for his big PE licensure test on April 12th.  Now, he just has to put more time in to review materials on his own, take the practice test on April 6th and then the real test on the 12th.  I think he'll do fine, but he's stressed about it--and how it will affect his availability for me and you! Don't tell him I say so, but he's doing a great job of taking care of us (and I think he always will).

My last day of work (for a while) will be Friday, April 5th.  If you don't already come out by then, it seems like we'll have a little quiet time getting ready for labor--at least it would be nice if things work out that way.  I can do a little shopping, cooking and cleaning to make sure we're prepared.  And sleeping...I'd like to catch up on sleep before it's too late. :)

That's all for now. xoxo

You both look really good in stripes

 :)

Perfect 36

Well, your dad said it--we went to the doctor on Tuesday and everything looks great.  Your heart's beating around 140 and you're measuring perfect for your due date, which is still April 7th.  We got to see you on the screen, but you were SO big that we could only see parts of you.

You're making me tummy push out pretty far now, but I know we have a ways to go.
I need to start documenting all the cool stuff our friends and family have made, bought and sent to you, Bel.  Gosh, so many people love us and I don't want to forget any of it.

Your uncle Billy sent us a onesie for you with Grumpy Cat on it (your dad's current favorite online meme) and The Nash's sent us a handmade blanket for you.  Scott and Abbie bought a really important set of cloth diapers off of our list and I can't wait to try them out.

Here's me, week 36. Can't wait to see more of you!

36 weeks

Looks like you're still perfect. See you soon baby.

32 days til DUE

Hi little kicker ~

I read a blog today that said only 30 days were left until her baby was due, when she was at 35 weeks...So I counted from today and it's 32! I cannot believe we're finally in the stage when we can countdown DAYS. That's really exciting. Wow.

You are making my belly (and other things) so big lately. I'm starting to walk and get on/off the couch like other big-pregnant ladies I've seen and I can't believe that's me! You're obviously worth it...and you'll be out and about soon enough-so I'll just waddle and roll around without too much complaining (well, ask your dad).

This weekend, your dad turned 31--We had dinner out with friends (at the Hornet) and then we went to a cute bed & breakfast in Manitou Springs to stay the night.  We enjoy going to see new places and staying in places that have someone else's personal touches all over.  This place did not disappoint and the owner made us a totally luxurious breakfast in the morning.  We explored around the town in the evening and next morning, until it got a little chilly and eventually started snow-hailing on our way out of town. Your dad and I ate at Rudy's BBQ and tinkered around at Garden of the Gods, taking pictures and generally admiring the terrible wind and weather!

Today, it was back to work for us (after a long weekend), and I went to meet your first doctor.  I really think she'll work great--I got a great feeling from the incredibly thoroughly decorated office and friendly staff.  Thank goodness that task is done! Now onto the next 50. ;)

Your Grandma C sent us a few important things for you recently--a baby bathtub, a wrap for us to wear, dad's white noise machine (well it's for YOU, but he's definitely using it now and a couple of mirrors so we can see you while we're driving. I still need to order us some cloth diapers, more disposables and wipes...and finish getting your room ready.  But I think there will be time over the next 32 DAYS (oh my gosh, that's soon!).

I love you, Isobel. I was telling the pediatrician about you today and it made me remember what a miracle you are. So completely in awe that God would let us have you.

Valentine, I'm glad you're mine.

I sent your daddy fancy lil cupcakes for Valentines' Day.

Hi sweetie pie. It's been a week of sweets as we just had Valentines' Day on Thursday. Your dad and I went a little crazy with our desserts too-cupcakes, girl scout cookies, splurge cereal and ice cream.  Sometimes, it just makes you feel better to indulge and we now need to clean up our act! Seriously, though--we've been having fun.  Your dad was so thoughtful this Valentines' Day-he got me the softest tee shirt that says "Don't give up" on it.  I love it because sometimes life is hard and your partner is the one who is there to stand with you, cry with you, say, "hey, that's not fair" and who encourages you to be the best person you can.  "Don't give up" is just as important a saying as "I love you" or "you're so pretty," because it keeps you moving forward.  I'm so lucky to have him for a partner through life. He made me 4 cards and bought me delicious gourmet pickles too...I was spoiled this year!

At least I surprised him with a cupcake delivery.  We ate at a Chinese place for dinner and I got to have scallops. It was, all in all, such a lovely day.  Your dad's been spending Saturdays lately at a study class for a big engineering test coming up and he's had so much on his mind.  I thank God and give Josh lots of credit for still having patience with your mom and for still treating me like a treasure.  I can only expect that you will come to know and appreciate this about him too!  He ordered a book for us to read called, "The Happiest Baby on Block" that's all about making sure you sleep good and stay comfortable during your first weeks out of the womb.

This week, your carseat and pusher came in, along with your changing pad and other stuff!
I think we secured a bassinet for you to sleep in while you're really little on Craigslist tonight, too, which is pretty exciting.  Your grandparents have been so generous to "sponsor" some of the big ticket items that we'll need to care for you--we really only have a few things left to get: cloth diapers, breast pump...and a million little things I know I'm forgetting.

What else--I went to get checked out at the midwifery clinic on Tuesday and they said that all is well.  The midwife pointed out to me how you were laying and finally solved the mystery of "what is this really hard pointy part near my belly button."  She said that it's most likely your cute little booty. :)

Keep doing what you're doing in there, girl! Grow and develop just like the Lord designed.  I made sure to get more fish oil gel stuff today so that I can do what I can to help your brain development.  Dad reminds me to take my vitamins every night, just about...sometimes I forget.

This coming week is #33 for us.  I'm going to try hard to get in some exercise and eat more veggies (instead of sugar/carbs).

Love love love from mom. Can't wait to hold you!

Your mom and dad...the covenant.

Your dad sees us from different angles...
Here's what I see.

I love your dad very much and I'm so lucky that he loves me back.
I'm gonna lose all this weight when we're breastfeeding...but for now, it's okay.
P.S. My clothes were too tight in that last bunch of dad's pics. Next time, I choose the wardrobe!