Mood Swings (For Exercise)

What baby does to Mom's organs

Although I'm an emotional being and more emotional than some, shall we say, dense or robot-like humans, I would say that I'm pretty even keel.  I laugh, I cry, I get agitated and I do like a planned approach.  However, I'm not what most people would call "moody."

When this pregnancy began, I was coming off of what was a really low point emotionally, but was finishing grad school, getting back to eating healthy and exercising--so a little raw, but things were looking up.  Enter ISOBEL.

Minus my normalish exhaustion and nausea, we were both pretty anxious about this, our 5th try. I remember some mood swings then, but I think I rolled them up together with the whole "this is nerve-wracking" set of stress responses.  After the 12 and then 20 week appointments, Josh and I have settled into the idea that Isobel is coming and we've been able to gradually get excited about it.  Over all, up until a couple weeks ago, I was having some physical discomfort (the dreaded PPP, hip soreness, etc), but maintaining a pretty sane demeanor.



Skip to now. Well, today even I think I might be crazy...no more excuses. There are whole days or segments of days when I am really not in control of my thoughts or emotions.  I just want to cry, but I can't. I want to sleep, but I just lay there. I feel SO frustrated and tense...but yoga and walking don't help. Arguing doesn't help (but does add guilt to the recipe). And then...after it confounds Josh and perhaps my coworkers...in an unannounced, understated act of God, it subsides and I feel like normal me again. Until next time.

Now, I understand the spectrum of emotional issues I could be experiencing. I know there's depression and that, if only I exercised more and ate only healthy foods, I wouldn't be here now.  I have 10+ more weeks of this and a few more of whatever happens next with my hormones. I know it'll be alright.

But here's something:
Isobel, you're worth it and I'm worth it.  I'm not ashamed of how I'm feeling because it isn't my fault and it sure isn't yours.  It's mine to manage these "rushes" as best I can and trust God to fill in the gaps and do damage control.  And daddy is doing great taking care of both a we. Now get your little piggies out of my ribs!

Thanks for waiting til I was ready, DAD! ;) That's a little better.

30 Weeks: a bit of wine...feeling big (and maybe sexy?)...getting serious

This last week was #29 and I feel like a lot is/has been going on in our schedules and our minds as we begin the 3rd trimester.  We are in weekly Birth class, Josh is working a lot and processing wedding photos from his last job, and I struggle The baby books warned us that this would be the case and they were right!

Check out my nursing bra! Kind of pretty, right?!

I went to see the SMG (Swedish Midwifery Group) on Tuesday and got to spend time with Mary, the midwife I've decided is my favorite, although the other two are also wonderful.  Mary's demeanor is always very wise, calm & kind and I think I really trust the breadth of her experience as an obstetrics RN first, then a homebirth midwife and now in a group that births at a hospital.  Anyway, we talked through my questions about starting labor, the water-breaking time table, Strep B test, and strategies for natural birth at Swedish.  When she listened to Bellie's hb, she witnessed a couple of kicks and was really happy about it. We measured perfectly and I had actually lost an lb since 4 weeks ago (when I'd jumped UP after the holidays).  During the exam, Mary asked me if I'd realized that the baby's head was right on my pelvis (head down!) and I had NOT--although it made sense, with the movements and feelings I'd been having.  It was really neat to feel her head down there (and KNOW it's her head). I wondered if she would stay in this position for the next 10-ish weeks or if she'd flip around a bunch more before birth.  That night, we went to our 3rd Birth Basics class and the teacher told us that babies will likely get settled in that position and just stay...By the next day, and witnessing a lot of scooching around in there, I've surmised that she still has enough room to flip and turn a bunch...and she IS and will.

You should see her move around in my belly--the belly actually shifts when she does! SO WEIRD and cool. People say that the activity level of your baby in the womb will mirror their personality and NRG level in life.  If this is true, we think she's pretty well-rounded.   She moves and plays, but she likes her sleep and privacy. So she's active, but not spastic...and I'm already so proud.

I'm starting to feel bigger, but I also have started to feel more comfortable in my growing-belly-body. Finally, the maternity clothes are fitting like they're supposed to. And I'm feeling pretty...fruitful...with child! Which is cool. I no longer feel weird and awkward. I'm sure this will change closer to 40 weeks. Maybe not? I dunno.

Also, I've started feeling more of an impetus to get my shit together this last week, not so much the nursery and clothes (but that's also getting/sounding more fun to me!), but getting informed and making informed decisions around planning for natural birth in the hospital environment. Josh, Sammi and I have started talking more about protocol for when labor starts and we've started conversations about logistics with our family that will have to catch flights. It's not something you can plan out and rely on going to plan...but we're doing what we can.

It's become really important to me to understand and be able to articulate my wishes and my reasoning around everything from laboring to breastfeeding and sleep choices to what type of stroller/car seat/etc. There's a lot that you read and research, with the belief that whatever I decide might end up not working great.  It's all okay. 

We're doing a lot of natural, whatever "gently used" stuff we can find and minimal to start.  People have already been so kind and thoughtful to gift us many of the basics that we'll need: bottles, clothes, etc.

Anyway, we're good. Moving right along.

Mom brushing her teeth

:)

29 weeks-basketball tummy!

Hi Isobel. Look at us-it seems you're feeling more confined in there lately. Instead of swimming around like a fish, I'm feeling more little scootches and pokes. That's okay. I know we'll both be ready to have a little more room when your lungs are developed and it's time to come out.  I hope you know that I'm happy to house you until everything is perfect and ready, but that I'll be pleased if you and my body don't wait one moment longer than necessary. ::wink::

Tomorrow, we'll be 29 weeks along, which means you'll be fully developed around 37-38 weeks...8 or 9 weeks!!

Count it: 28 weeks (7 months)

Izzie-boo,

For the most part, I've tried not to share the less-than-comfortable parts of our journey in growing you.  Your dad and I watched the 3rd Narnia movie, "Voyage of the Dawn Treader" today and a line toward the end helped me put into words something I've been feeling a lot throughout this pregnancy.  Prince Caspian says something like, "I need to stop dwelling so much on what's been taken from me and instead think about what I've been given."

During pregnancy, it's easy to feel sorry for yourself.  Because you're taking special care to nourish and protect the little life growing inside, you have to remember to DO certain new things and to NOT DO others that you might miss a lot.  Your daddy has been helping out more around the house, taking on chores that are harder for me now--trash, litter box, some cleaning and all of the heavy lifting.  He has been so thoughtful to protect you and me in a ton of little ways.

Of course, it's totally worth it! I would never do anything to hurt you and I want to do everything possible to make you healthy, strong, happy and successful in life.

The aches and pains of pregnancy have taken a toll.  I have this deep, strange pain in my right butt check (posterior pelvic pain) that gives me trouble (but not as much this last week!).  As you grow in my belly, my body adjusts to the new center of gravity, the changing shape and the squished-ness of my organs.  I have trouble breathing sometimes, my feet and ankles swell and I general "ick" every now and then.  The way I move is just different because I'm not used to a big bump on my tummy (that's you!).  It won't last too much longer and this whole experience has been pretty amazing to watch and document.

Your dad and I have wanted this for a couple of years and we're finally getting the chance.  We won't let the discomforts and new responsibilities get us down (at least not for long) because we know what a blessing and joy you will be in our lives.

Your dad actually told me the other day that he wants you to JUST GET HERE already! :)  We've been expecting you and thinking about the day we'll meet you for 7 months today...and it can't come fast enough.

Jess-obelly!

I've been taken these and sending them to some ladies who want to see me in my undies-belly growing, like your 3 grandmas, aunt Sammi and my BFFJ, Andrea. :)

Pretty early on...

Thanksgiving weekend-on our way to La Veta (Sand Dunes!)

Distinct BUMP

Getting my yoga on.

Ooh la la, right?

Belly officially equaling boobs

Just before Christmas vaca

Week 26-Happy New Year and happy new crib!

Week 27-belly taking over

Showing off my new clothes & ear-warmer!