Week 25 (on Dec.25)

Hi, honey. It's been a while since I wrote you last...and you've gotten a lot bigger in my belly!

Today is Christmas Day-the day we spend with family and exchange presents to celebrate and remember the gift of Jesus (from God).  He came to earth as a baby, just like you will in a few months, and his first visitors were kings and wise men, who brought him gifts because they were so happy about him being born. Jesus' birth gave the world hope of a whole different future. You're no Jesus, but you're pretty special.  And you're doing the same thing for your dad and me-giving us hope and the promise of a new future as parents.

Christmas is on December 25th and we are in our 25th week this week (15 weeks to go!).  You are moving around in my belly all the time now--you feel like a fish in a bowl! Your daddy can feel you when he puts his hand on my tummy sometimes too, which is so much fun for us!

Everyone at home in Mount Juliet/Gallatin/Owensboro has been so supportive and happy for us (that we get you!).  People have made blankets and given us lots of pretty little gifts for you and tell us that they're praying for you all the time.  You are being born into a world full of friends and people who love you already and that makes your dad and me feel so lucky.

Love you little one. Grow strong and healthy and don't kick me too hard! :)

Isobel, it's YOU!

Hey my little sugar plumb. See, the knowledge of your "girlness" is already causing me to cause you cutesy, girly things (but I don't care).


Tuesday was the most fantastic day for your dad and me (and also a pretty great day for all of your grandparents, aunts, uncles and honorary aunts and uncles-our friends).  We went into the doctor's office hoping to see you and let the technician look at everything.  Our bodies are made of so many parts that have to grow and work just right for us to be healthy--The technician took time to check out how everything is growing: your brain and spine, your heart and organs, your fingers and toes.  We got to watch you move around and open your mouth.  We were just mesmerized looking at you.

The technician and doctor told us that you look 100% healthy and that they didn't see any reason to do more testing.  They also told us that you are a girl! We thought it would be fun for your dad to find out first and then tell me.  I had to close my eyes when the screen showed your girl parts and it was so hard not to look because I was excited to know!

Taken right after we found out!

Your dad told me that you're a girl, with tears in his eyes.  He is so eager to protect you and provide the loving, stable, silly environment that you will need.  He is a little nervous because he grew up with uncle Jordan, his brother, and they didn't have sisters.  Since I'm already a girl and grew up with a sister, your aunt Sammi, I think I would've been more nervous to have a boy.  The truth is--we were very relieved that you were healthy and either gender would've been fine.

But remember--The Lord gave me dreams of you, my love. I have seen your face and have heard your infectious little giggle.  On Tuesday morning, when we saw you on the screen, I felt like I was seeing you for the first time since my dreams.

When we shared the news, everyone shrieked (Gma Terri "MeeMaw") and cried (your JoePa cried a little!) and thanked God for you.  We posted a few of your pictures on Facebook and so many people said how beautiful you are.  We agree.

Tuesday-come now!

We are so excited to see you on Tuesday morning--We will be into our 19th week and it'll be at Obstetrix, with a fancy ultrasound machine and a trained technician.  The doctor will look at all your parts and make sure that everything is development and growing like it should.  If we're lucky, we will also find out if you are a little boy or a little girl--I hope you cooperate and show us your stuff!

Your dad and I have names picked out for you on both counts, but they aren't 100% for sure.  It is important to me, especially, that we decide as soon as possible because I want to start calling you by name.

Isaiah 43:1
But now thus says the LORD, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have
redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.

We will love you so much, regardless. It just feels like we are going to meet you at this appointment; that we get to learn a lot more about you now--We get to see your face and all of your parts, watch you move in there...and maybe start calling you by your name.  I've read that you are hearing things outside my womb now, too.

Your aunts, uncle and grandparents are looking forward to knowing more about you too! They can't wait to start buying you clothes and decorations for your room.  

Our society has very firm opinions about how males and females should think, feel, act and look--sometimes I think these opinions are a bit extreme and silly.  Boys wear blue and green and brown and girls wear pink and purple and frilly things.  We aren't going to make you stand out looking strange, but I definitely want you to know that all colors are appropriate for you to wear and love--Boys and girls only have one standard to go by, for how they should be, and that's in our Father's (God's) image.  LOTS more on that later. Like, for instance--did you know that pink used to be reserved for boys only and blue for only girls? And this was only 100 or so ago!  Culture shapes identity, but it doesn't really create our identity. Only God does.

http://www.gender-focus.com/2010/09/23/pink-for-girls/

Love!

Popcorn!

This week was week 18 for us and an exciting thing started happening-I felt you inside me!

At first, I wasn't sure it was you...it felt like a little push outward here...and then there. I had read that it feels like a tiny butterfly fluttering or like popcorn popping and I think the latter is the best description.  I decided not to be too excited about it until it happened a few more times and I could make sure that this was you.  By the next day, I'd felt you a few more times and it felt so good to be able to feel you in there moving.  I've been talking to YOU all the while, but this is the first time that I've noticed you making contact with ME! Now, I know that you've really been moving in there for weeks, with your reflexes and bones developing fast.  You weren't trying to "speak to me," but it was still very neat to feel you for the first time.  People tell me that I'll get tired of you moving around in there, and I believe them.  Your aunt, Kristina, told me that she could see your cousin's (Caden) knees and elbows making dents into her stomach when he was almost ready to come out!

One night, when I was feeling you pretty often, I told your dad that I could feel you. He put his hand right where you are now, in my tummy, and he said that he thinks he could feel you moving in there too!

After your aunt Sammi and i went and bought some maternity basics for mom to wear, I've started feeling more comfortable in my own (growing) skin.  I've also been trying hard to eat my veggies (although I really don't want them at all!) and get some activity in on most days.  It's been hard to make the time because I can't seem to get enough quality sleep these days--I wake up often during the night, just trying to get comfortable, and it's been leaving me craving more.  But I know that the exercise helps and will keep helping, when I can make it happen!

The Pooch: It's YOU.

Hi sweetie pie. Earlier this week, I went to see the midwives.  It was a quick trip--We heard your heartbeat loud and proud on their doppler and I found out that Dad and I will get to see you again in only 2 weeks--On Tuesday, November 13th! There's a good chance we'll find out for sure if you're a boy or a girl and we are so excited.  I think we've missed looking at you since the moment they turned off the ultrasound a few weeks back...I'm sure you have grown a ton!

Mom's tummy has started poking out this week, making it kind of awkward to find clothes to wear to work in the mornings.  I've even felt a little off balance, with you moving in there! People say that I should be starting to feel you move inside me, but I don't think I've felt you yet.

I found a blog with this great idea for my pants tonight:

I'm definitely going to try this soon! Actually, your aunt Sammi and I are going to check out a couple more stores for maternity basics and cute baby stuff tomorrow. I'm so lucky to have her close by, and that she's willing to help your mom get up the courage and energy to learn how to do this "mom" stuff! For some reason, mom and baby shopping really overwhelms me...and she's just fine with it. We're a good team. :)






Love you! Sleep well in my tummy tonight--Feel free to move and kick and show me you're in there!

Week 16: No more excuses!

Today marks the start of our 16th week of pregnancy! I can't feel the baby moving yet, but I can definitely feel the "baby ball" in there--the amniotic sac and placenta that's keeping him/her nourished and growing. I've noticed a hard part just above my pubic bone, and also a pooch above. At the moment, most of the "pooch" is just my skin and fat stores, but baby ball is pushing all of that out up and out!  I don't mind, but I look forward to having a dedicated "baby bump" that's less fat-looking and more baby-looking. LOL! Should only be a few more weeks until it can't be denied, right?

After 12-13 weeks, I noticed that my energy level was increasing some and that more foods were sounding palatable.  (For a while there, I could only think of a few basic things that were manageable--bread, crackers...one certain type of steak & cheese burrito. ::shrug::)

For the last 3 weeks, we've been blessed to have consistent company here--First, my mom came to visit. Then Jordan and Charity drove our new (to us) GMC Envoy out us and visited Denver for a week. Most recently, Jim and Terri visited.  The night "Jordan-ity" left town, I came down with something that hung on until...really only yesterday and today have I felt better. I took 2 days off from work to rest and have been trying hard to hit the Vitamin C and water (and rest) hard. It turns out that, while pregnant women can't take ANY o/c medicines we want, we still have plenty of choices for treating the symptoms--Robitussin (yuck), Vicks vaporub and and Acetaminophen help a bunch...plus the good ole nose-blowing, natural cough drops and saline spray.

FYI: This is not me (below)...maybe soon, since I'm also getting a perm tomorrow night!

Needless to say, I have not been able to use my new Prenatal Yoga dvd or my Ellen Barrett workouts (love her!). This needs to change this week--I know that yoga, resistance and just any activity are great for me, the baby and preparation for labor and being a mom. I see so many women here in Denver that are active, fit and so committed to this lifestyle--it's inspiring and sometimes unbelievable!

The time has come, though, to make this a part of my regular routine. 4 months-I think 5-6 months is plenty of time to tighten up and gain some strength and flexibility. :)

Child of Promise (Are you Isobel?)

I want to call you "Isobel" all time, even though we haven't found out if you're a boy or a girl. Let me tell you why... A few weeks ago, I was very hopeful, but a little anxious, that you would stay in my belly, growing healthy and strong. Before you, Daddy and I were pregnant before-but those little babies went to heaven instead of being born. This made us sad and we worried about you-would you be okay in there? Would you keep growing perfectly and meet us someday? We prayed to God very often, asking for help and guidance and protection as you grew. I wanted some sign or word from God that you were going to be okay. 

 The Lord was faithful and gave me this: 

Isaiah 43:18 "This is what the Lord says— he who made a way through the sea, a path through the mighty waters, who drew out the chariots and horses, the army and reinforcements together, and they lay there, never to rise again, extinguished, snuffed out like a wick: Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. The wild animals honor me, the jackals and the owls, because I provide water in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland, to give drink to my people, my chosen, the people I formed for myself that they may proclaim my praise. 

This made Mommy very happy and helped me be strong while I was still scared that I would lose you. Then, a few nights later, I had a dream that was so quick, like a flash on a tv screen-of a beautiful baby girl! I was coming into the room where she was in her crib, standing up. She had her face pressed on the inside of the top of the crib, and I could only see her nose and eyes and head. She had light brown hair and hazel eyes, pink lips and the prettiest, content expression on her face. As I came in, she expected me...was waiting for me. [end] 

In the first weeks of pregnancy, mommy had lots of strange dreams, so I didn't give this one much thought at first. But a couple of nights later, I had another one! 

This time, I didn't see her face, but I was in the next room and I was looking into where she was. She had a shirt and stretchy pants on, and was toddling around. I could only see her from the back, but it looked like the same little one from the first dream. Her hair and skin were the same color, with hair a little longer and curling at the ends. She was bounding from my room to the next one, with quick, wobbly steps and the thing I remember most about this dream was her laughter-As she walked, her giggles filled the space and made me smile! I wondered if maybe there was someone she loved in that room and maybe she was bounding toward him. [end] 

When I woke up the next morning, I laid in bed quietly and asked God, "Who is she, Lord?" Without a second of pause, the Lord told my heart, "That's Isobel." 

The Lord has been so kind to Mommy while you grew from a tiny ball of cells into a whole baby! He has pointed out bible verses to me that let Daddy and I know that He is making you healthy and strong and special-for a purpose. He's taken special care to bring us together, and He even keeps helping Mommy to feel strong and sure when I am not. 

Isaiah 46: I am God, and there is none like me, declaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times things not yet done, saying, ‘My counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish all my purpose,’ calling a bird of prey from the east, the man of my counsel from a far country. I have spoken, and I will bring it to pass; I have purposed, and I will do it. 

I've had one more dream of Isobel, so far: I'm looking at her whole baby body from above, as she's laying on maybe a changing table or her crib. She is cooing with little noises, content and looking above at anything interesting. I can see her whole pretty face, her swaddled little body, her fingers and her toes. Everything looks perfect and I'm filled with joy and awe that she is mine. [end]

In a few short weeks, we will find out if you are a girl or a boy. It will be even longer until we meet and I find out if you are Isobel from my dreams. Don't worry-If you are a boy, we'll pick a great boy name for you! Whoever you are, I want to make sure you know that the Lord has made you special for Daddy and I. You are our child of promise-God's promise-and we are so excited to meet you.

I Saw the Most Amazing Thing This Morning

It was you. And you were asleep, but then you woke up and turned over and kicked around like you were already too tall for your room. I've never seen anything like it. I could've sat there and watched you all day. 

The first 13th week ever.

Look at the lovely curtains your mom picked out for you :)

(ps. this is the first time we've seen you this old!)

We've come a long way, baby.

There’s No Good Way to Give Bad News

Posted on September 9, 2010 by zimbodeux

I’m sorry. This wasn’t the follow-up blog entry I wanted to write.

This morning at the doctor we discovered that our little Jamaica baby in Jesse didn’t have a heartbeat anymore. We went from being on the road to parenthood right back to just being “us” in the few seconds it took to say, “I’m sorry I don’t see a heartbeat.”

There’s no word for what I felt after hearing that. It was like I was imploding. Like all the blood had just run out of me. Like everything in my mind just started collapsing. I didn’t know whether to cry or to scream, “Look HARDER!” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I didn’t even think this was a possibility at this point. You read everything’s on autopilot for the first few months. I don’t get it. Neither of us do. And I guess it doesn’t really matters. The doctor said it wasn’t anything we did. We read that if the genetic stuff isn’t lining up properly then it will automatically shut down “the operation.” Sometimes God’s will is confusing. But I know it would’ve hurt a lot more happening 9mo+ down the road.

I was really looking forward to being a dad. I remember the joy that swept over me when I saw the pregnancy tests in Mandeville. It was like nothing I’d felt before. I know this isn’t the end, but man it sure does hurt a lot. Just an overwhelming, crushing hurt.

I can’t even begin to think about how much of a u-turn our lives just took without crying. I feel numb and sad.

…really really sad.

You can call or write if you want to, but I know there’s nothing really to say. I just wanted to give you the news this way because I can’t bear to tell each of you personally. I’m sorry.

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